Are you asking the right questions?

Purpose Club Letter #2 by Aaron Pang

Purpose Club Letter #2

Read time: 5 minutes

Topics covered: Asking Questions, Third Thought

Hi,

How often do you find yourself reacting defensively to a problem or immediately looking for someone to blame? If you’re human, the answer is probably “often.” Our brains are wired for efficiency, which means they love shortcuts and autopilot responses.

But what if the key to a clearer, more positive mindset wasn’t about finding better answers, but about asking better questions?

In my book Unstuck, I explore the concept of “unwiring” our autopilot brain. When faced with a negative stimulus, our first two thoughts are usually unproductive:

• First Thought (Defensive): “It’s not my fault.”

• Second Thought (Accusatory): “It’s your fault.”

The real magic happens when we pause and consciously begin with our Third Thought. This is where we shift from being reactive to being reflective and curious.

Here’s a simple framework to intercept your autopilot brain:

Scenario

• A colleague gets a promotion.

First Thought (Defensive)

“I’m just unlucky.”

Second Thought (Accusatory)

“They must be related to the boss.”

Third Thought (Empowering)

“In which areas did I fall short? What can I improve?”

Scenario

• Your partner says you’re selfish.

First Thought (Defensive)

“No, I’m not! Remember when I...”

Second Thought (Accusatory)

“You are selfish too!”

Third Thought (Empowering)

“What did I do to make them feel this way? How can I give more?”

My challenge for you this week: The next time you feel a surge of negativity—frustration, jealousy, anger—catch yourself. Acknowledge the first two thoughts, and then consciously ask a better, third-thought question.

• Instead of “Why is this happening to me?” try “What can I learn from this?”

• Instead of “Who’s to blame?” try “What am I responsible for here?”

This small shift can create a powerful positive feedback loop in your mind.

Together, Aaron